mezase POKEMANIAC breeder

2012-02-18T00:42:00.001+08:00

OMG I GOT BANGS. okay actually its not the bangs-bangs, its the side swept bangs. I've finally cut my hair! does it suit me?

just a few things i need to get off of my chest

2012-02-18T00:21:00.000+08:00

I fail to understand why people these days, are so bloody afraid to stand up for themselves. to stand up for what they think is right. what are you going to lose? why forsake who you are for what people want you to be, why change yourself, why adjust, why adapt? why can't you demand to be accepted as the person you already are. because that's how things should be. you are you, you are unique, you are special. stand up for your beliefs, your morals and ethics.

-

its alright to keep being nice to people even if they don't treat you as well as you treat them. that's being mature. but if they use you? take advantage of you? step all over you like some doormat? and you are still nice to them? that's called foolishness. If you know what's good for you, you should push these people out of your life because you know it is going to do you no good! just because you treat people like gold, you think they're obliged to treat you back the same way? the world does not work that way. I'm telling you, you're being used. but you just won't listen. I just don't want to see you hurt anymore babe...

-

"you apologized even though you're not at fault? that makes you the bigger person, " - Roshan Soma
wise words. thanks buddy <3

OG22

2012-02-05T13:33:00.001+08:00

JJ Chronicles J1 Orientation Camp 2012 was just over yesterday. I am devastated! That had to be the most fun camp I've ever attended. I can't believe it's over so fast. Because I know hell awaits from Monday, ahaha! But yeah back to the point. All the cheers and dances and songs, even the commands! Campers OI. Ahaha. Still ringing in my head. I hope my OG, OG22, will remain this close throughout our lives in JJ and even after we part and go our separate ways. Yihan, Bingzhi, Fateen, Khairul, Shan Jing, Min Aung, Joanne, Tu Nga, Vanitha, Amanda, Jamie, Liana, Ching Le, Su Wei, Cynric, Evelyn, Kiki, Kelvin, Guo Wei, Ming Xuan, Javier, Jovan, Dorothy and anyone else I accidentally missed out.... I'm gonna miss the times I had with all of you awesome people.

OG22, I'll never forget you.

pictures.

2012-01-24T17:27:00.002+08:00

This just totally melted my heart on the spot. <3<3<3

When the idiot was a baby. where did all the cuteness go? damn!

where I currently live. only two other people will understand this ;)

I love my best friend, Kabila Thiagaraj <3

I couldn't do without this annoying, naggy woman I call my mother <3

meet the new love of my life, OREO :)

Life is going good for me. maybe 2012 is gonna be good to me after all.

Ballerina Bun!

2012-01-14T12:50:00.001+08:00

I finally did it! :D this is my hair!

I am a human being just like you are

2012-01-08T19:20:00.002+08:00

I am not some novelty for you to be fascinated with for one moment, to be treated special by you the next moment, and then to be thrown away and treated like I'm not important anymore after that. I am a human being and I have feelings too. I am sick and tired of having people in my life who pretend to care, pretend to be concerned when they actually just want to make use of me. I am done being nice to them. so now I hold the door open. if you are real, stay. but if you aren't, don't bother pretending and just leave.

why hello there!

2012-01-04T19:37:00.002+08:00

okay I am super bored so I decided to blog.

ugh, I can't seem to get away from facebook although I am so sick of it -.- I have got to get away from that piece of shit now! its wasting a whole lot of time I could've used to do something productive T_T didn't even study! gosh. promised him i would study and yay, I didn't. yayyyyy -.- I have got to do it from tomorrow!!! and stop using stupid facebook. maybe I should limit myself to only 2h a day? okay thats actually still a lot though it is a major cut down -.- but oh well, we all do start somewhere now don't we? ^^

started on my diet and exercise regime. arms and thighs aching, my "abs" too. today is BREAK DAY. tmrw the exercise starts again. one day intervals are good. hahaha but i think i exceeded my calorie quota for today again -_- shit. nevermind! sameera reddy i am coming!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh wtv laugh at my face I AM SUPER BORED SO I DO NOT CARE. i think i look a little tired though. mom waking us up at 7 effing 30 everyday. gosh.

okay i have nothing to say. random post. OH WAIT!!!

JUST GOT THE NEWS that my ex broke up with his... ex. haha she's already his ex now. religion eh? ahhhhh, now what an obstruction. I didn't see that happen between my mom and dad. pfft. do you remember how you went out with her to get back at me? i actually didnt even know until more than a year later that that was the reason. well karma got back at you before i did. ahaaaaa, whatever.

kaybye.

THATS IT.

2012-01-01T21:12:00.002+08:00

YEAH YOU HEARD ME. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING FAT AND PEOPLE TELLING ME THAT IF I LOST A BIT OF WEIGHT, I'D LOOK GREAT. SO GUESS WHAT, I AM GOING TO BLOODY LOSE THAT WEIGHT NOW NOW NOW. I AM FIRED UP LIKE A ROCKET AND NOTHING IS STOPPING ME AS LONG AS SHE IS ALIVE.

MY ROLE MODEL. BYE. 2012, NEW YEAR, NEW ME BITCHESSSSSSS

goodbye 2011!

2012-01-01T12:36:00.002+08:00

This post is dedicated to the people who made my sucky 2011 end sweetly. my family, the dog, Kabila Thiagaraj, Priya Biswas and Melvin my beloved best friends and Evangeline anne my beloved cousin sister :) thank you to all of you.HAPPY 2012!

I'M SORRY

2011-12-26T18:00:00.001+08:00

me? yeah, I do get ticked off very easily. but for me to feel real anger, that's not very common. but when I do get angry, I get very angry. and when I get very angry, my vocabulary is apt to destroy someone's soul completely. I can't control it. I'm not a violent person, but I express myself entirely through words. which explains the reason why I am as I am. right now I still feel so bad for getting angry with you. although It was your fault mostly, I still feel so bad because I know how much my words would've hurt you. the next time I get angry and start spewing, just don't take anything I say to heart yet until you know I have calmed down. I hate to fight boy, I'm a peace lover. I tolerate a lot. but sometimes I can't take it you know? that's when i explode, and when I do, I do it violently. its my weakness yes, but its something that makes me who I am. I hope you can accept the flaws I have. Because baby, I accept yours completely <3 I really can't imagine my life without you, boy. I won't ever walk out of your life, its a promise. just promise me the same thing.

Because...

nothing else could be as perfect as we are <3

busy busy busy!

2011-12-22T13:40:00.000+08:00

took this picture with my dog a few seconds ago because I had nothing to do. haha kidding. I love my dog no matter how mean she is to me and treats me like HER dog. yeah no kidding, she growls at me a lot -.- but i still love her :) and gosh my party is tomorrow and I have preparations aplenty! LIKE CLEARING MY ROOM FOR EXAMPLE. OH GOD. I gotta go now! bless those who are coming tomorrow. gotta go! tata!

Little Bad Girl- David Guetta ft. Taio Cruz and Ludacris; new favourite song!

kaybye!

2011-12-20T15:08:00.000+08:00

it was a sweet surprise. they made up a story that there was another girl they were choosing a gift for. they asked me to help them to choose the gift. they described the girl to have the same build as me and the whole story was very convincing. in the end they were making me choose a gift for myself. it was a sweet surprise! love them <3

stress stress stress!

2011-12-10T16:25:00.001+08:00

wow! I am so stressed! I have got so many events to plan and to attend too! I'll lay them down for you right now.

13/12- USS trip with cousins
15/12-Mom's surprise party
17/12- one month commemoration!
19/12- Rathi's surprise party
20/12-my party and chalet
25/12-CHRISTMAS and there might be a party for that too!
31/12- NEW YEAR'S EVE

NOW WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! wow. I am going nuts. thank you Kaustubh for sitting down and helping me along with the planning for the 20/12 party! finally I've got that event planned out, but not fully either *rolls eyes* and you know what's the best part? I WAS SUPPOSED TO START STUDYING THIS DECEMBER!!! and all I have done is a teeny weeny bit of MATH -_- haha. gosh. but sometimes being stressed up and busy like this feels kinda exhilarating. it makes you feel like you actually HAVE A LIFE. HAHAHA. that's the reason why I'm only updating now! been so busy! and on top of all of that, don't forget my social circle too! I have been entertaining so many people and solving so many problems, be it friendship or relationship issues and giving advice and all that, plus going in and out of my own problems as well! what a stressful month december is turning out to be! whewwwww. to think that its not going to ever die down until next year. I AM DOOMED. hahaha.

on a more serious note, time is really just flying right out of the window. no joke. right jumbo? it feels like we just met but wow, its going to be ONE MONTH in a few days. wow, W-O-W. haha. I am having a ride trying to catch up with all the fast-paced action. I hope i dont fall and die along the way. HAHAHA.

a major problem just occured yesterday... apparently due to a problem between Z and J, now the whole clique got involved and had a big argument with J and L, and they are now officially outcasted and hated by the whole group. Yesterday I was extremely pissed off because everybody kept me in the dark and never told me anything until the whole problem ended with this separation of cliques. why is this my problem, you would like to know? well right now, B is on one side and J who's my COUSIN, is on the other side. I'm stuck between the two sides, do any of you realize how difficult things are for me right now? I'm still quite agitated about this. the next time I come to RP, how awkward are things going to be? I still want to see J&L and at the same time, the other clique considers me in their family and all and obviously you guys would be a little bothered about me still seeing J&L? no? argh whatever okay. I refuse to take sides. my decision stands.

sometimes this is why I don't like to be in cliques at all. problems like these ALWAYS happen.

okay back on a more pleasant note, I can't wait for my party. its going to be a whole lotta fun! I hope everybody whom I invited will be able to come :D

till next time, ciao!

soulsharing

2011-12-02T12:41:00.001+08:00

Maybe just two months ago, I met this person. in the present day, i feel like i've known him forever. why? this guy be may be the only person who shares my soul. yes, in every aspect of character, HE IS ME and vice versa. its shocking and incredible and amazing, but its true.

yes he's stubborn as hell and he comes off as a stuck-up person, he frustrates people a lot with the way he acts, but you all don't know the hurt he has gone through and the beautiful heart he has hidden deep beneath that tough exterior. you all know him but you don't know his story. he's the perfect kind of guy for any girl because he knows the basic thing girls all want, respect. and almost all guys don't know how to give a girl respect. but he? he knows. he knows how to respect a girl's body, her boundaries and who she is. any girl who doesn't want my twin, is an idiot. really. I am saying this with all the honesty in the world.

I really like this person because I can share everything with him and he understands why I react the way I do. He understands why I have low self-esteem because he has it too. there are some things I feel but i can't explain, and he does it for me easily like he's drinking water. there are some things about him that he thinks nobody can understand, but I can understand it easy like counting to three. because we think in the EXACT same way. its freakishly cool. to me, he's the perfect friend because nobody can understand the way i think except for someone who thinks in the exact same way. and i found that person. I found that friend. and I'm certain that this will be a life-long friendship. who is he, you might ask?

That's him. That's Kaustubh Singh Negi.

H E L L O D E C E M B E R

2011-12-02T12:26:00.001+08:00

NOVEMBER has been a month of changes... I found out I was retaining, I made a group of new friends, something happened on the 17th that changed my life, I found out who my true friends are.... yes november has been a month of lessons. may december be a month of happiness and festive cheer. no more fights and no more tension.

Miss this girl on the right. gonna see her this sunday for her party. Can't wait to see you KABILA THIAGARAJ!!! <3 I've got a thousand and one things to tell you.

grow up.

2011-12-02T12:12:00.001+08:00

I'm done feeling like the bad person here. I'm done. Ignore me all you want. If you want to push me out of your life, fine. Note that I'll never come back into it ever again. This is probably going to sting a little, but I have to say this. If this is how you behave and treat your friends when a small little problem crops up, then it explains why you're always alone. Look, people make mistakes. I effed up, so did you. so, learn to forgive and forget on the spot. that's how you keep friends in your life, and thats how bonds are strengthened.

you're not even close to righteousness, let alone perfection. so stop wallowing in your own self-pity. be a man and stand the hell up. you are also at fault here, OWN UP TO YOUR MISTAKE. didn't I do it? didn't I admit my fault and apologize? people apologize because they value their friendship more than their ego. you said sorry that day, and then suddenly I don't exist in your life after that. so if you're not sorry, don't abuse the word. don't apologize for the sake of doing so. if you don't need me in your life, its fine. I don't need someone like that in my life either.

"I treated you like my best friend sarah" complete and utter BULLSHIT.

I AM AN IDIOT!

2011-11-29T20:45:00.001+08:00

How could I ever doubt the way you felt about me? I should slap myself seriously.

I AM SORRY, WILL YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME?

a little muddled up

2011-11-28T12:36:00.001+08:00

I really need to sort myself out right now. I have a million questions. lets both answer my questions.

Babe you are going too fast, I think you need to slow things down right now.

is what you're feeling love? or is it lust? I like you very much but I dont know you well enough to fall in love with you yet. because love is an emotion, it is a feeling that cannot form based on looks. of course not lust.

were you attracted by looks or were you attracted to the personality? personality.

what do you know about me? is that enough for you? there's nothing much i know, and no its clearly not enough for me at all.

do you know the difference between being in a relationship and dating? dating is when you both like each other and you know it. you bring each other out, in private! and get to know each other better. its like an interview. each other's likes and dislikes, how the other reacts to situations, their comfort zones etc etc. a relationship is the step you take after dating and confirming with yourself that this is the right person for you. a relationship is a confirmation seal that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. so yes, i do know the difference.

do you know the real meaning of true love? yes, love is a feeling. it first forms when you feel a certain chemistry with someone, a chemistry you have never felt before, where you suddenly start talking more, paying more attention to the way you present yourself and the way you walk. it starts to grow when you learn more about the person's character and you realize that you like it, you like the way it complements YOUR personality so well. it blossoms when you realize you start to remember small details about the person that are actually so insignificant to others, but so significant to you for no reason. when your heart starts to race when you hear the person's name, or hear the person laugh. when you catch yourself smiling for no reason. Love is finally complete when you realize that the other person has been feeling the same towards you. and yes, this entire process takes time. months and sometimes years, but NEVER a matter of days.

now, it is time for you to answer them.

KABILA THIAGARAJ

2011-11-22T17:52:00.001+08:00

This post was just to tell the world that I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THE OCEANS, THE SEA, THE SKY AND THE EARTH <3

Changes.

2011-11-22T17:37:00.001+08:00

I'm so happy you came into my life, its a really happy change for me. I've never met someone so genuine, caring and sweet like you. yes, you are very genuine and it's very elusive to see someone like that. you're rare like a gem in the earth. you're a keeper, I know it. I have always felt like something was missing, but now I feel complete because I met you. yes, we just met but I feel like I've known you forever, and although i cease to understand why that is so, I know its somehow because you are someone I can count on for life. If you weren't there to listen to all my screams of anguish, my woes and my laments about my bad days... I don't know what I would have done. Its amazing because, you knew what I needed from you. I just needed you to listen, and that's just what you did, nothing more. you are one of a kind and that's why I feel gifted to have you in my life. you have a beautiful character, heart and soul. Thank you for coming into my life. No words can describe how much you mean to me. I know I'm far from perfect and I know you will have to understand a lot when I'm unable to talk to you or see you when you need me. but I can tell you, you're the one person who's this close to perfection in my eyes.

please stay <3

(the background is stupid, ignore it -.-)

TOP OF THE WORLD

2011-11-20T23:59:00.001+08:00

17-11-2011

I moved to the top of the world :)

a drug called LOVE

2011-11-15T20:55:00.001+08:00

I swear i have never felt this way before.

i cant even sleep at night!

my tummy is so full of butterflies that i cant even eat!

I can't think of anything else except for about the things you say, they resonate through my mind like ripples in water;

my heart is thudding all the time!

I'm becoming so shy and super emotional, this is so unlike me!

I'm tripping over words and sometimes my sentences come out jumbled up and they dont even make sense!

I find myself smiling for no reason many a time....

I swear its because :

2011-11-12T21:33:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgT_us6AsDg&ob=av3e

my favourite song right now, been on repeat the whole day!

it's being really difficult right now, I swear. one day I feel, I might just explode and get on the wrong path. I am so desperate to do something that I actually went to read up on how to make them give me a little more space.. oh forget it.

thanks to Buvan, Aishu and Zaheerah for being there to listen to me and for allowing me to let it all out. I am glad to have you in my life <3

josh, hope you feel better soon man.

this could be the start of something sweet :)

I know why the caged bird sings

2011-11-11T18:57:00.001+08:00

I know why the caged bird sings

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are
tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the
sighing trees and the fat worms
waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and
he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the
grave of dreams his shadow shouts
on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are
tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

-Maya Angelou

all I can do is shout and scream, verbally/literally express my yearning for freedom, to be unrestrained, uncontrolled, to do what i want FREELY without any fears lingering at the back of my head. please, respect the fact that I really need you to barge less into my life. I need you to ask less questions. throw less demands. accept that I'm growing up. why can't you? my soul is one that longs to be free, to express myself freely. restrain me further my lord and lady, and you will see something you never thought existed. its been dormant inside of me ever since i was 13, but yes it has been silently growing. now its starting to show its desire for taking control over my obedient-self. and yes, if this continues then stopping it from ruling my mind, will be a problem..

this.

2011-11-09T14:49:00.002+08:00

making friends or trying to flirt?

2011-11-09T14:43:00.002+08:00

many people don't seem to know the difference between making friends and flirting. when you talk to someone for the first or rather the first few times, complimenting him/her based on their looks is perfectly fine.

but saying things like:

"if chatting on fb with you is this awesome, chatting with you on the phone is double the awesomeness right?"

and you just added me on facebook, not forgetting the fact that we have no mutual friends makes it even scarier.

"but sarah honestly, your current dp? wow."

yes this is perfectly fine.

but this?

"probably every guy would wish they were that dog"

now this is crossing the line of comfort. this is what you call trying to be desperate. do you know what you sound like? look at this from my point of view. of course I will get DAMN creeped out because in my profile picture, I AM CARRYING THE DOG CLOSE TO MY CHEST! what do you think I would have thought? please, watch the way you talk to girls! some girls may be able to handle it. but me, I am very sensitive and easily scared. and furthermore, you creeped me out even further when you told me to not get attached so soon or else it would've been unfair to you! what do you think I would have thought? :/

yes i can be very nice to people who just befriend me if you make friends properly. but if you approach me like this, I will get creeped out and try to make you go away. its natural so don't be offended yeah?

Thanks Haresh for getting me out of this! I can never thank you enough <3 (I even typed this in red since its your favourite color, hehe) I owe you one. the next time we meet I'll get you something!

Social life rocking!

2011-11-06T21:19:00.000+08:00

my social life right now is rocking, im meeting so many new people and im enjoying it! yes im talking about the new people from RP i just met. i swear, i have NEVER , i repeat NEVER, met a more fun bunch. they are freaking hilarious people, and are really fun to be with. always joking and laughing. wont be long before i start opening up and joining in! and they're very accepting and they dont gossip about each other, they embrace each others flaws and tease each other like hell about it all the time but hey they just do it out of love! they are a really nice bunch of people and i hope to hang out with them more! :)

Now i don't need you anymore. Just like how you pushed me away, i'm pushing you away now too. deal with it :)

2011-10-31T21:04:00.001+08:00

Grenade- Bruno Mars

Easy come, easy go,

That’s just how you live, oh,

Take, take, take it all,

But you never give.

Should’ve known you was trouble

From the first kiss,

Had your eyes wide open.

Why were they open?

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash,

You tossed it in the trash, you did.

To give me all your love is all I ever asked, ’cause

What you don’t understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya

Throw my hand on a blade for ya

I’d jump in front of a train for ya

You know I’d do anything for ya

Oh, oh, I would go through all of this pain,

Take a bullet straight through my brain!

Yes, I would die for ya, baby,

But you won’t do the same.

No, no no

Black, black, black and blue, beat me ’til I’m numb,

Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you’re from.

Mad woman, bad woman, that’s just what you are,

Yeah, you’ll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash,

You tossed it in the trash, you did.

To give me all your love is all I ever asked, ’cause

What you don’t understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya

Throw my hand on a blade for ya

I’d jump in front of a train for ya

You know I’d do anything for ya

Oh, oh, I would go through all of this pain,

Take a bullet straight through my brain!

Yes, I would die for ya, baby,

But you won’t do the same.

No, no no.

know what?

2011-10-31T02:34:00.002+08:00

know what?

2011-10-31T02:15:00.000+08:00

I QUIT.

I'll make it official. Because Sorry, I think that I'm clearly worth more than that.

This completely sums it up.

2011-10-27T16:37:00.001+08:00

Via sweetstuffcalledlove:

I’m not the skinniest, and I’m not the prettiest. I’m not the funniest or anything like that. But I have friends who love me, people that think I’m drop dead gorgeous. I have a GOD who sees my imperfections, perfectly. So, I think you should give me a chance, get to know me. Then if you still think I’m not good enough…

Well, then it’s your loss.

HAPPY DEEPAVALI!

2011-10-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

went visiting today @ my grandmother's sisters house and then i went to visit KABI KUSHI KABIGAM KABILA! hahahaah. it was so fun. kabila, her brother Nuvan, her cousin ganesha and me were just bitching and bitching about people and playing games. it was so fun i only went home at 10pm because imma fearless bast*rd! hahahaha. can't wait for visits to mangala, kayal and bairavee's house too! :)

Sanjieve, its gonna be ALRIGHT! you know this is the best option for you. take it in your stride and use it to your advantage. ok? thats my boss!

parents in canada. ENJOYING THE FREEDOM! but still missing them.

i think its time to tell you how i feel about this. i have mustered up the courage and i dont think i can do this any longer. its gonna be difficult and scary.. but im gonna have to do this if i want this off my chest.

something fishy?

2011-10-22T12:59:00.002+08:00

this is the photo i submitted for my school photography competition.

"the first thing anybody notices about me is my love for the color pink. pink symbolizes true love, and that reflects my belief on love and happily-ever-afters."

-

i swear i think you LIED. no im not trying to live in denial here or anything, but things are starting to get fishy. i dont know if im linking up things wrongly, but for now im gonna just go with the flow until i make more observations that point to my hypothesis. but you just be sure about one thing. nothing has changed, even after what you told me.

nothing will ever change.

shatter

2011-10-22T00:56:00.000+08:00

have you ever physically felt your heart shatter?

well i just did.

i couldn't eat the whole day because my tummy was filled with butterflies. and then suddenly he tells me that.

yeah it devastated me, totally. i thought i was being an idiot so i spoke to a few guyfriends about it and they all think he's talking rubbish and that he must be lying because of the way you act with me. see? I'm not the only person here. in fact anyone, would think the same way.

its been years, I am done trying to find another one, done trying to stop thinking. i am done. i tried for years. why did it not work?

i couldn't forget you, your smile and how you can endlessly make me laugh and laugh. thats why i like you so much. yeah i was not attracted to your looks as much as your humor. you are born with this funny bone, its like magic how you can make people laugh with anything you do. even if you're not trying to make people laugh, just your natural actions and reactions are enough to set people off on a bout of laughter! and i really love it when people make me laugh. i love to laugh, it makes me the happiest above all else. i want to be with someone who can make me laugh and brighten my days instantly.

but no, im probably not even close to what you think you deserve. i shall try to accept the fact that maybe, i am not good enough for you.

but to give up on you? never. no i cannot let you slip away.

Happy Birthday Sanjieve Segaran :)

2011-10-19T23:21:00.001+08:00

lots of love,

Sarah

Justin

Aswanee

Kenneth

Darishna

Always and Forever :)

anxiety

2011-10-12T19:53:00.000+08:00

hey everybody. maruppakkam shoot finally ended LAST SUNDAY! they should have just taken it at that sengkang spot from the start, its way nicer and looked way better than stupid old pasir ris park! when i arrived there, i unexpectedly met JORSH there again, he's an awesome speaker man, such a cool guy! and then there was this new person i met, Raam Kumar. very friendly and he has hell lotta networks. LOL. the topic was on friendship, the episode will be out NEXT WEDNESDAY 19/10, dont miss us!

omg the best part: after the shoot, THEY FREAKING ASKED ME IF I WANT TO ACT. OMGGGGGG <3 I DIED IN HAPPINESS. I SAID YES!!!

okay, the interesting part. I was out with Priya the a few days ago and i was publicly assaulted by an unknown person. lol... it was scary shit. come to us for the full story, not writing any of it here.

hmm... the majority of results are gonna be out during the course of thursday and friday. we already got our GP and lit papers back and my results were... not as bad as i expected it to be. as for tomorrow, we will be getting back bio paper 2... this is going to determine my promotion. im really damn scared i swear i dont know what will happen if i cant promote. we will also be getting back math paper tomorrow but i dont really care about that paper. Friday is the doomsday because we will be receiving our chem paper 2. Ms Yamuna said ".. i dont know what went wrong... you could have done so much better" and that freaking left me devastated. i thought the paper was good... oh gosh, i feel like dying already :/

speaking of which, ziyi was selected to take H3 CHEMISTRY. OH MY GOSH! H3! she is so pro. i swear!

sigh i am so tired from stupid PE and im still half recovering from that public assault. all i can think about is sleeping.

today we had the first rehearsal of OP. i think generally we were okay although the slides really sucked because of our hurried work. and i spoke too fast. sanjieve did super impressively, i felt. but he kept looking at me while talking, i dont know why? why ah sanjieve? even priya said it HAHA. but smart la, since i was seated at the end and he was looking at me, it appeared to be like he was making eye contact with everybody. HOHO. BUTTTTT omg he practically almost didnt refer to his notes, he knew what he was talking about, impressive! good job sanjieve! :D

thats all for now. looking forward to this saturday, chinna's party. sayo!

you dont remember those little things about me that i wish you would remember.

book!

2011-10-08T15:11:00.000+08:00

heyyyy guys I've started writing my book! haha its not as easy as i thought, easy to lose inspiration but i can do this! when its ready i will let some of you read it and tell me what you think! ^^

i am so irritated with the stupid weather, my shoot was cancelled THRICE. i know its not the production team's fault but why must they stubbornly only film at Pasir Ris park? i dont understand. you can't exactly keep depending on the weather all the time, how much money do we have to waste travelling so far, so many times at that? i think that either we should be paid for transport or we should be shooting at a different place. at least there must be some form of contingency plans no? but its alright.. tomorrow's shoot is at sengkang. i hope that we can get it done this time!

new friends: Ajay, Vinohth, Jorsh, Kavitha and Anandhi; awesome time working with you guys <3

It's a strange thing

2011-10-05T00:22:00.001+08:00

It's a really strange thing;

How people simply solely read what's on this blog and:

- judge me

-assume that I'm talking about them or anybody associated with them

-think I'm a bitch. So I'm a bitch because I speak my mind? I'm a bitch because I don't pretend? or because i don't put on masks of facade and I don't put on fake smiles?

-gossip about me (and still pretend to be my friend, cant forget that part)

-twist what I write into another story and pass it around. Is it fun? Should I try it too? Tell me because I really don't know.

So I see. You know, I'm really done with crying until I actually fall sick, it takes a lot for me to fall sick just so you know; getting explosively enraged and seething with anger , something which I never experienced until this year, or even trying to slash myself because I feel like I'm a monster and a criminal; after finding out that these people do this behind my back.

All I can do is blink when I feel the impact; like I've been punched in the face so many times REPEATEDLY, to the extent that it doesn't hurt anymore, because I've become used to it.

This is all so new to me;

I'm sorry, pardon me for asking, but is it really so difficult to clarify matters with me, instead of talking to others about it? May I kindly ask, don't you find it disgusting to pretend to be my friend when you don't like me? Because if I didn't like someone or something they did, I'll make it very clear. I guess I keep it real. Is that wrong, if it is please let me know, I will change myself.

Why do I ask? Because I don't know the answer. I'm new to this environment you have provided me with, and I don't know how I should actually react to what comes at me. I need to learn and adapt.

Here, I'll tell you about me. I'm very straightforward, I cannot pretend no matter how hard I try.. I'm a terrible actress. I've been told so, hah. but I don't tell people things I don't like about them to their faces. Because i prefer not to hurt them so much. So I write it here, because the impact would be less and they would read it for sure. If the fault is with me, I'm open to it. Tell me and I'll readily accept it. Im not someone with pride/ego issues. Change and become a better person.

But this seems to cause me a lot of problems. So I think. I will not stop writing what I feel. But, I'll privatize this blog.

Yeah.

PROMOS, OVER!

2011-10-04T01:27:00.001+08:00

YESSSSSS, PROMOS ARE FINALLY OVER!!! time to enjoy like nobody's business! dont you just love that feeling of having so much time in your hands to waste? yeah, but i still have this fear of retaining... i didnt study for the maths paper and i think i screwed it up... but what is the use? i studied so hard for the common test and i still got a U. I dont study also i will still get a U. no difference. i hope my lit bio and chem pull me through for promotion, if not idk what's gonna happen... i am freaking scared.

SHUT UP SARAH ITS OVER WHY WORRY NOW IT ISNT GOING TO CHANGE A THING.

K, moving on.

I really dont know what to do with you anymore. you are such a flirt, i'm very sure of that. I've seen it, I've heard it, i've even been warned that I'm not the only girl you talk like that with. until i met you, i wasn't very tolerant of flirts. but despite knowing that you are one, my feelings never faded. i tried to make them go away by reminding myself of all your flaws, there are so many things which you have that i really dont prefer to see in a guy. but it doesn't ever work. why? i don't understand why this is. but i do know the answer as to why it doesnt work.

that's love. maybe it's because i am accepting of your flaws because its love.

it has to be. but i just don't understand. WHY do i like you? its like trying to explain water tastes like. i just like you, that's all. but it feels utterly absurd to not be able to explain it. has anybody experienced this? it's very new to me, it really is. i feel very lost. is there anybody who can help me?

sigh.. life is very strange.

should i privatize this blog? because im tired of people reading and assuming nonsense about it. shall consider.

planning on writing my next book soon, my storywriting persona has been switched on, inspired by life and its ups and downs :) my first book was cloudcardia, haha, i wrote that fantasy story when i was 14. this time i might get my new book offcially published, i hope so! revenue is not an issue, i just want to share my writing with everyone :) not gonna reveal what its about anytime now, i'll do it in my own time.

ciao.

Maruppakkam (flipside)

2011-09-22T21:44:00.001+08:00

So, i appeared on TV yesterday on this talk show on vasantham central called Maruppakkam. The topic was, GOSSIP. haha, yes. Everything falls in place nicely, you should be smiling if you know what I mean. Okay so Basically we were asked questions like " do you gossip?" and we had to give spontaneous answers. It was really awesome working with Shabir and the Spectraa team! they are really nice people. WHYYYY DID I STOP ACTING?! i regret it, haha. yeah so basically i nearly died in fear of looking stupid on TV when the show started. I swear everybody sounded different! and everyone LOOKED FATTER WTH, thank you camera, you have good effects -_- Me? You dont even need to ask. of course i looked like a part-egyptian part-chinese a lil bit of malay part-nepalese part weirdo even but NOT INDIAN. hahahah.

so after the show, texts and facebook posts came flooding in! most of them were positive and i felt really relieved that people thought i spoke well and looked fine and everything! someone even told me i should consider acting, hahahha. wth but THANKS GUYS! <3 i was so happy AND THEN ALONG CAME THIS JERK TO SPOIL EVERYTHING.

this jerk liked me before, around the start of the year but i rejected him. yeah, you weren't a jerk until yesterday. guess what he texted me?

no hi, no hello, no smiley, nothing. just a sudden;

"did you put on weight?"

EXCUSE ME?

WTH WAS THAT? i have not changed at all, and how in the world does it even matter to you? but thats not the point here. i know you're trying to bring down my morale.I quote my friend "He's just jealous because more guys are gonna be seeing you and he cant stop them so he would rather stop you by bringing down your self-esteem." you're the type who thinks he can get any girl he wants so i know you're trying to get back at me, the first girl who ever rejected you, its clear as day. please. go and waste your time on someone else. and you can still open chat with me today like as if NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED? you are the very PINNACLE of insensitivity, i cant even believe people like this exist!

Thanks Priya Soma Kirin Justin Ashwini for moral support <3

-----------------------------------------------------------

now that that's out of the way...... lets move on to other things!

PROMOS! argh. even the word sounds so evil. gotta scrape through my lit and i can get promoted! why cant they use GP as a H1 subject?! its just dumb i swear, its not like EVERYONE can pass GP right, its not very easy! we should be at least given SOME credit! juts two more weeks for all this mental torture to end. and then can SLACK/GO OUT/PARTY LIKE A BOSS! so close yet so far! HANG ON everyone! we can be promoted, all of us! :)

-----------------------------------------------------------

7YR<3JAM.
maybe you're just being "extra" friendly like how you have always been.
or
maybe.... this is going to work out.

Straightfoward

2011-09-16T23:39:00.001+08:00

Being straightforward is good. It helps you get messages access quickly, effectively and also clearly and assertively. Being straightforward about someone's characteristics can help the person improve for the better, because it is something that they can change.

However, It's not nice to be straightforward about someone's appearance. In a negative light. Because that is something they cannot change. Do you even know how much one sentence you say can affect someone so much? Did you know, this can go on for the rest of their lives?

Think before you say something about someone. It may be funny to you, but someone else could take it very seriously and it won't be so funny anymore.

Assumptions..

2011-09-10T01:40:00.001+08:00

After having a long talk with someone I realize how many people actually misunderstood me for being some despo because of the way I blogged about the guys when I first came to JJ. Hahah. I know I'm very straightforward when I write. I've been blogging for five years now. I didn't think it was crime to write about guys being good looking. Because there were really none in my secondary school, hhaha, then I became so amazed when I saw all the guys here. You know. Like how people gush over celebrities who are good looking. I don't, I gush over real people here. Lol. I was just being a typical girl. But I really didn't like anyone of them in the love way or what. If you've been following my blog, you'll know that I've liked the same guy for a number of YEARS now. But certain new readers assumed I was some slut because of the way i wrote, but I guess I can't blame them because it's the way I wrote. I hope this clears up misunderstandings...

I use this blog, or rather I've been using it, to vent off my temporary anger on things, people. Note the word temporary. I mean just like how everybody manages their anger, this Is my method of cooling off, writing. I don't hold grudges on people, I'm not that type either. It was the same for vaanavil. The only person I was actually angry at was Nisha, because she kept scolding me and making me cry when I couldn't get the dance moves right. Nobody else. But my mistake was, using the term J2s because i didn't want to use her name. That's how other J2s thought it was about them and all the misunderstandings occurred. It was totally my bad for doing that. I'm truly sorry for doing that. That's why I've stopped that. Haha. I guess the disadvantage of writing to vent off anger... Is that people can read it and that's why all these misunderstandings can occur.

Anyway... This was just to clarify things with that reader. I know you still don't really like me. Yes, it was wrong of you to have assumed, because you don't know me at all! Because you don't know me or my past. You have judged me based on what I wrote. If you had known me well in person, you wouldn't have felt that I was a despo, or a horrid person. You would've understood why I wrote like that. But I know it's human to assume. The fault is mostly on me, that's why I've stopped being so straightforward in my writing. I don't have anything against you. I don't know if you'll ever like me.. But that's okay. Because, It was my fault. I can only blame myself. I hope that cleared things up.

I think that people shouldn't judge someone based on what they see on the surface. It's important to delve deep and get to know the person before you form impressions. It hurts when you get judged by people who don't know you, at all. And it's even worse when they tell other people who also don't know you, all that they think. and make you lose all the respect in front of people, and they don't even know you. It hurts. It does.

OMG-usher

2011-09-08T01:20:00.000+08:00

got me like OH MY GOSH,
i'm so in love;
i found you finally
you make me say,
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, OH MY GOSH.

<3

news: might be migrating to canada after A's. MIGRATING = for life.

what do you think?

you slip away before i can catch you

2011-09-06T20:03:00.002+08:00

changes. they've been taking place at a fast rate. too fast for me to process and react to. good changes and bad changes, expected changes and unexpected changes. before i start adapting to one change, bam! there comes another change. i have got to breathe and not let things spin out of control.

CHANGE #1- my view on guys.
good or bad?- good AND bad.

recently i learnt that guys cannot give girls what they want in terms of friendship and vice versa. why? When a girl tells you her problems and vents out her anger on you about other people or her bad day... it means she completely trusts you, and most importantly, SHE JUST WANTS A LISTENING EAR because screaming and shouting about it is all she needs to feel better. thats a girl for you. however what guys do is try to find solutions to the problem, to try and justify with the girl who he thinks is wrong and who's right. thats a guy's mentality. guys and girls have conflicting mentalities! as a girl im saying this; guys please! DONT EVER DO THAT. thats the biggest mistake you can ever do. once you do that, thats it. the girl is gonna get very very very ANGRY and hate you! on the other hand, a guy hardly opens up about his problems. but when he does, and if its to a girl, normally he would want advice. but the girl has the mentality that he just wants a listening ear, and her seemingly ignorant response would make the guy think that she doesnt even care. but thats not true! the only sad truth i have just learnt is that guys and girls have conflicting mentalities and thats why they cannot be close without getting into a fight soon enough. :( however, there are some guys who know when to advise and when to be a listening ear. those guys are gems! and therefore very rare. i hope guys and girls would get along better after reading this! ive got it all sorted out. haha. phew.

CHANGE #2- friends
good or bad?- GOOD

i have finally figured out who my real friends are. ever read the quote "be careful who you open up to. only a few care, the rest are just curious." ? yeah, i wasnt careful and i opened up to the wrong people. they misunderstood my intentions, reactions and basically just misunderstood ME. therefore leading to gossip, friends who believed that gossip and then came the mutual resentment. but its okay, i dont really care. coz i have decided i cant cry over spilt milk. the door's open, feel free to walk out of my life. but its a one way door, so don't think for a second that i would ever let you back in. i have my true friends who accept me for who i am, while you people demand me to change to suit your culture. so of course, i would choose the former. I am not a people pleaser, you take me the way i am, you accept my likes and dislikes AND RESPECT THEM. thats the reason why i have no enemies. because i accept everybody just the way they are, and i respect them. if i have enemies, its only now that i have them, and i have them because they either hate themselves, are jealous of me or see me as a threat. thats the only three reasons why you can hate someone. so if you can't accept me the way i am, it's perfectly alright. dont even bother making friends with me. and next, dont be a two faced friend. please dont take advantage of me by acting nice to me and currying favours, and doing crap behind my back. it only makes you look pathetic. kthxbai.

CHANGE #3- <3
good or bad?- GOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDD

the person i like has started slowly started moving closer with me, and im really happy about that. i hope he likes me too. if he does and i actually for once think that maybe he really does... I WILL FLYYYYYYYYYYY! thats all, no further elaboration. ;)

promos coming. gotta study and study like crazy, gotta ace it. only then can i SLACKKKKKKKKKKK MADLY after that. cant wait for the slacking part. hahahahha.

Priya Biswas, I <3 YOU :)

Totally need one of these.

2011-08-29T13:44:00.000+08:00

to capture all these picture perfect moments. because in pictures, people never change.

no seriously i need a camera.

OH MY GODZXCNJWQBDHWJNXJWQHCJALJKWAJHDE

2011-08-26T19:13:00.002+08:00

GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT?!!?!?!? HE JUST TEXTED ME! THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE! <3 <3 <3

YAY!

2011-08-26T00:27:00.003+08:00

I LOVE THIS BLOGSKIN, LOUD AND CLEAR! <3

Pretty okay week I had, had quite a few tests that went normally... nothing really interesting to note.

you can actually get pissed with me for not going out with you? is this some kind of joke? one, i had a lunch appointment with someone else. two, i dont belong to you so you have NO RIGHT to even get angry with me. who are you? you aren't a boyfriend, sibling, bestfriend or closefriend. you are just a friend. you cant be so possessive of me, seriously it doesnt even make sense. and stop giving me the sly eye when im with my other friends. like as if im betraying you by not being with you. you think i can't feel it? this seriously makes no sense at all. please stop it.

whew. okay, i just started watching OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB today! episode 4 is being a bad dog and not loading. ARGHHHHH! frustrating. I just guessed right from the start that haruhi was a girl and i was RIGHT! hahaha and its sooooo obvious that tamaki likes her please. but what a flirt, even if i were to be haruhi i still would not be bothered about him. I think MORI is the cutest! GAAAAAAAHHHHHH SO STOIC! <3 Tamaki is just dumb and what's honey even doing in high school?! ahhhh, why cant JJ have a host club. so cute!

man, im seriously eating too much. no, really i mean it this time. junk and MORE junk, i swear im really asking for it this time. this has gotta S.T.O.P!

i think about you before i go to bed, when i wake up and... all the time in between.

i think i need to learn how to not get angry so fast...

oh shit, i just scratched my face AND ITS BLEEDING! OHMYGODHAUWNJDXBEGCJSKNC MY FACE!

KAYBYE! <3

ARVIN, BROTHER YOU ARE TRULY NOTHING BUT THE BEST <3

LIFE is too short!

2011-08-21T18:20:00.003+08:00

Life is too short to slog away, to be busy, to be working endlessly, to have no time for relaxation. We are only young once, and thats now. we ought to be enjoying ourselves! we ought to be having fun! yes its important to study, but what we JC students are going through is unhealthy, its study all the way. it makes us feel like we wanna just throw everything away or quit education itself to go party for a day. thats how it feels. its not good! we ought to pay attention in school so that we can complete our homework easily and quickly and CHILL AFTER THAT.

was talking to melvin yesterday and i realized that. he's really nice, thanks melvin! :)

went for SANGAE MUZHANGU yesterday, it was brilliant! the production was amazing. Nishmen, Maha, Shalini, Latha and Jaga were all there but i only got to meet ASWANEYH and LATHA. aswaneyh gave sanjieve a big bear hug, it was so sweet! guess she really missed her best friend a lot :) stupid nishmen forgot all about meeting everybody coz he was trying to get out after the show! hahahah. and gobi HURRY UP AND UPLOAD THE PICTURES!

omg, i really think im a freaking ball. no kidding. i need to exercise and diet on the PRONTO. no dont even start with your "aiyoh you are not fat laaaaa" , precious people. i AM. so im gonna lose it!

gonna meet him after promos, and the biggest change in my life is about to happen too. dont wanna look like this when i meet him. yeah... all guys still go for looks no matter what they say.

been thinking about you every day and night,

while im awake and while im asleep, in my dreams.

i cannot imagine myself with anyone else.

you are the only one i want.

im a hopeless romantic.

i believe in fairy tale endings.

i will treat you like you deserve to be treated,

why the hell does she like me? im not all that great, you may wonder

i'll tell you.

in my eyes,

you are freaking perfect.

I SERIOUSLY dont know how im gonna tell him that i like him. i lack the courage really... because i KNOW, that he wont accept me. why would he?

chemistry lecture test coming this wednesday. gonna try my best at it.

a recent spate of events has led me to look again at the people who claim " I CARE." . how many of you really care? you're just CURIOUS. you dont care about me. so why should i care about you? yeah i may still be friends with you, but i can no longer look at you with the same high regard i once held you with.

" Trust is like a mirror. you can fix the broken pieces, but you can still see the crack in the goddamn reflection."- Lady Gaga

DEAR DIARY,

2011-08-08T22:21:00.002+08:00

On friday night, i had a dream.

it was a dream,

about him.

when i woke up from the dream, i realized what i had to do.

i am going to tell him everything.

whether the outcome is positive or negative,

I know that i tried.

7 is not a small number.

Just my feelings

2011-08-07T14:28:00.003+08:00

its the weekend! and its gonna be a LONG weekend, 5 days long! okay, 4.5 days. haha. well.... why this title for this post you may ask? im gonna tell you.

DISCLAIMER:

first of all, this blog is public because i am NOT afraid of expressing my views and thoughts about things openly. I am not a coward, I do not engage in childish gossipping. I'd rather be straightfoward about certain things. Next, I do not use names in my posts in order to protect identities. because if i do, (like i used to) then some unintelligent people will start rumours and more gossips again. Lastly, i have the right to say what i want. this is MY blog. i did not ask you to read it. if you dont like what im writing, then you dont have to read it. simple? nobody tied you to a tree. but you chose to read, so dont go around talking about what i wrote and all the "bad" things about it. then why read in the first place if you hate it so much? common sense.

OKAY. today I would like to express my opinion on something. I have received information from reliable sources that I am being gossipped about. okay normally, people will gossip about you when you're doing something thats wrong, or you dress bad or something like that. right? but in my case, someone is gossipping about my APPEARANCE! THE BEST PART IS THAT THIS PERSON IS FAR FROM PERECTION TOO! funny isnt it?

I told my mother everything and she told me that people say all this nonsense about me because they cannot stand the fact that i am comfortable in my own skin. they are always trying to bring me down, trying to take my friends away from me, trying to create more tension between me and other people so that i will crumble. so that they can feel better about themselves.

if you wanna make yourself feel better then CHANGE YOURSELF. dont try to bring other people down so that you can feel like you're on top. think about it logically. you bring people down below you. you may be higher than them now, but you are still standing at the SAME PLACE. you have not moved up. you have not improved, you have not become better. soon those people whom you have brought down, will rise up again and go even further than before. but where are you? you're where you started. you have gotten nowhere. is that what you really want? you will lose out in the end, not me.

trust is like a piece of paper,

crush it and it will never be perfect again.

onward with the HAPPIER THINGS!

THERE IS a new person in my life and he is none other than ARVIN PILLAI! this guy just randomly added me on facebook one day, but never did i guess that he'd be the one person with the exact same mentality as me! we think exactly alike, we can relate to anything and everything, he is always making me laugh and he is always there for me! I like my new friend a lot, and no matter what people think or what people try to do to come between us, its not gonna work! spread rumours about our relationship all you want, but the real truth is that we are only good friends and we will always be. i dont think i can ever lose a friend like that, someone who thinks just like me, its really too awesome! Arvin you're AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEE! <3

Priya, Kabila, Zi Ning, Cindy, Yun Fang & Ke Qing, I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO MUCH <3

&That's all for now, byebye!

[EDITED]

why're you so obsessed with me?

2011-07-30T19:27:00.003+08:00

lets start with the BAD.

I really.... cannot take it.

everybody has boundaries. that's a line you have no right to cross, no right at all. and like all human beings, i have this boundary too. but apparently, some people just cannot seem to understand that.

see, i show you a LOT of care/concern/love. true. but the thing is, i do show the same amount of that to everybody else. except for;

SANJIEVE.

KABILA.

PRIYA.

SURESH.

SUTHAN.

These five, and only these five, are my best friends. BEST FRIENDS. so they get more. fair enough?

i show the rest a lot of care and love, but all equally. you can come to me with all your problems, worries, stories, ill be here to listen and advise. i dont mind. but remember, i only have 5 best friends. so if you start seeing me as a close friend just because you share everything with me, thats really not my fault. because see, i did not ask you to share. you did it out of your own accord. not that you cant do that of course, but that i didnt ask you to.

so just because you see me as a close friend and you share everything with me, you cannot expect me to do the same with you.

I am a human being with my own set of best friends too. who i want to share my life, problems and everything with, thats my choice. right? my best friends are obviously allowed to expect the sharing from me. and i will share with them. coz thats what best friends do. but i will share with you only if i want to. its only fair. simply because you not my best friend. i dont owe that to you, do i?

also, if you dont like someone, and that person is also my friend, you cannot expect me to side you and to agree with your opinions. because that person is my friend too.

therefore, you have no right to feel angry, sad, hurt or betrayed whatsoever if i share things with other people and not you. its my choice you see. thats where my boundary is. youre clearly crossing the line. you're invading my life. reading my blog and commenting about it to OTHER PEOPLE instead of me, saying "why you never tell me?" when you see me talking about something to someone, what's all this? why do you have to know everything, when most of it doesnt even involve you at all?

im not scolding you, if you know who you are. im just telling you, before this characteristic of yours gets you into trouble, or makes you lose a friend. i once expressed my dislike for my friend's boyfriend because he was abusing her. of course, thats not wrong, but i got called up, threatened and nearly got bashed up. im not joking. so im warning you to stop poking your nose into other people's business. im not the only person who's angry with you about this, just saying.

"another thing which irritates me is gossip. gossip gossip. stop studying it like its gonna come out for the A's, coz at the rate you are going, you're gonna retain."

being direct is good, but it isnt good to use it to insult people's appearances. they didnt ask to be born that way. you have no right to say that when you're far from perfect yourself. and what's the use of feeling bad after saying it, and then doing it again? does the fact that you're feeling bad satiate you enough so you dont restrain yourself from doing it again? you can feel bad, but thats really not enough to mend the hearts of your victims. i dont understand how some people have the heart to insult someone's appearance/size straight to their face. and no, you cant blame me for being angry right now.

Improved alot but down for PTM again, for literature and maths -.- why does this keep happening. the fact that im down for PTM is enough to fully demoralize me. i got kicked out of chem class w about 10 others for not bringing a book, and that made me cry out of frustration. just hate life.

there's nothing good i wanna write about now. ill write later.

[EDITED]

ARGH

2011-07-16T21:09:00.002+08:00

i wish there was an instant way to look like this. i went to buy PE shorts the other day and the lady was like " i think youll have to wear our biggest size." WTF MAN?! that was just plain demoralizing! i just feel so fat and ugly and stupid and GODDAMN UNATTRACTIVE UGHHHHHHH! I MEAN LOOK AT ME. i weigh 29+35 KG! I am just trying to die arent I? why must i have such heavy bones? like as if the fats arent enough to make me look big?! i wanna be able to dance, it runs through my bloody soul like electricity and i know it. I WANNA WEAR SKINNY JEANS! i wanna be able to run really fast, play all kinds of sports well. diets dont work. exercise, no motivation. THEN WHAT?! ARGH! I just hate the way i feel right now! i know people will roll their eyes when they read this but yeah im telling the truth! i want to go to the gym but im kinda scared of getting laughed at over there. i need a partner to go with me but of course there isnt anybody who actually needs to go to the gym like i need to. im just fat and ugly fullstop. i should go shoot myself in the head.

remember this?

2011-07-16T17:30:00.002+08:00

remember how we used to text everyday,

remember how we kept the conversation alive,

remember how we sent sparks flying to each other,

remember how we used to feel that connection?

but now?

what we had, is no more.

you simply cut that connection,

and left me sitting here, alone and heartbroken.

sometimes i wonder whether i don't feel a thing anymore because i'm really just strong,

or whether its because all these painful memories have numbed my heart to the pain.

haha

2011-07-09T13:28:00.003+08:00

i just realized my ex-boyfriend is the stupidest sucker on earth. wtf i cant even believe we were even together. his english sucks and he just sucks! hes like one loser, i dunno why i lost my first love to him like ONE IDIOT! ARGH HOW STUPID OF ME. like whut, always jealous of your gf's friends. yknow why, coz you have got no friends, nobody wants to even be your friend coz you have that much of a horrendous attitude problem, so you have no experience with friendships and you cant understand why we give our friends so much attention as compared to you. LOL stupidity at its brightest. how could i even have accepted you?! ewwwww, i feel disgusted at myself now. thank god you are out of my life.

i just love my life now. especially sanjieve, i love sanjieve so so much, could not have asked for a better best friend ever. haha even my mom was like, if you ever get attached it better be only to someone like sanjieve! even my mom loves you loongie! sanjieve sanjieve sanjieve <3

Like my dear sanjieve, i will find my awesome other half soon :D i have the confidence!

BABY ARE YOU DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWNN?

2011-07-06T20:27:00.005+08:00

HHAHA, IF ONLY he was really pointing at me and saying " i want nobody else, only YOU!"!

sighhhh jay sean why does your voice melt my heart. if i dont listen to DOWN everyday, i CANNOT function. i love my jaysean that much. awwwww! im so sweet right. HAHA WHATTHEHELL AM I SAYING! i just wanted an excuse to post up his picture. i just love this picture of him! its like, on my sidebar and its gonna be there FOREVERRRRR. <3

JAYSEAN PLEASE COME TO SINGAPORE! even if he waves at me, i will faint out of pure exhilaration.

ANYWAY, today ms yamz praised me saying i made a big improvement in my chem CT and it was a very good effort, she could see that i studied and it made an impact on her while she was marking. i was super shocked coz, i thought i seriously screwed it up. i am very happy with myself! i got the highest for GP paper 2, went from an E to a C to be exact. and now this. yay im improving in my studies! i am proud of my effort too. no one knows how happy i am. YEAHHHHHHH! now i shall help sanjieve improve along with me too. just coz im improving, im not leaving my best friend behind! :) Gonna get the rest of the results this week. really scared for bio. i did the worse in that the last time. if i make improvements in everything, then i wont be down for PTM omg! that would be great.

today shit happened. i was doodling on my notes as usual during PW lecture, then priya took my notes to see what i was drawing. then the teacher caught us and thought we werent paying attention! -.- LIKE WHATTHEHELL I WAS OK! I DOODLE ON ALLL MY NOTES DAMMIT! the best part was that there were people who didnt even take out their notes yet and some ppl were even sleeping. it was 40 minutes into the lecture at that! and they didnt get the punishment?!?!?!?! >:( AND tomorrow, we have to find him at 730am and tell him everything we learnt in the lecture. this is nonsense okay, i swear! I HATE SITTING AT THE BACK! -.-

and i think DINOSAUR likes me. he expressed jealousy today. OVER SANJIEVE. sanjieve= my best friend. JEALOUS OVER MY BEST FRIEND WHAT THE SHIT. okay shall not elaborate.

toodles \/^.^\/

needs and wants

2011-07-04T02:18:00.002+08:00

photography is just so interesting. i have an ardent passion and a penchant for taking photos of everything and anything. i just love photography! i really want a camera. it doesnt even have to be a bloody DSLR! just an ordinary digital camera will do. as long as i can take high quality and clear pictures, i am happy. gosh but why are cameras so expensive man! -.- i could even make do with a polaroid camera first until i get a good one! just need something to take photos with and my iphone camera sucks at that. lousy quality pictures.

even something like this would be so awesome! its pink to boost!

really really SERIOUSLY in need of clothes! gonna save like $500 and splurge on pretty palace and cream-o 's clothes. their selection really suits my taste! my wardrobe is DRAB AND DISGUSTING, jacques clousseau style! not enough tops! and i want more dresses too. SHOES! I NEED SHOES. Eying that pair of VANS high cut shoes inspired by hello kitty and those everlast pumps at marsiling. oh and that pair of louise high cuts! thanks to my brother i'm into high cuts. hahah. just 10 sessions sarah and then you'll get that $500! my wardrobe needs a revamp ON THE PRONTO! luckily im not a brand-obsessed person or else id need like a million dollars haha. who needs branded shit when you can look good in not-branded clothes! :D must have style, do not just blindly follow fashion! i highly recommend pretty palace, look them up on facebook!

my sentiments exactly. i dont feel any pain though, i just feel sorry for all the other girls who are making the same mistake. with you. im moving on and im just gonna SIT and wait for the right person to come because i am done looking.

on the other hand.... this OTHER idiot keeps bombarding me with calls. i dont answer and you get irritated? what, do i owe you? dont imagine im your girlfriend please, ive made it clear i dont like you. UGH.

HAVENT DONE GP HOMEWORK! I.AM.SCREWED. TO THINK THAT IM THE GP REP? MAROONED! DOOMED! IM DEAD! oh no oh no. shall try to rush through tomorrow. gonna go kavita's house tmr, miss that girl! i hope i have the time to do my homework too. sigh. my studies are just plunging headfirst into a ravine...

thats all for now. te amo.

HELLOKITTYCAMERA

2011-06-29T20:49:00.004+08:00

I just discovered my newfound interest in PHOTOGRAPHY! yes i loooooooooooveeeeeeee taking photos. IF I GOT A CAMERA LIKE THIS I WOULD WORSHIP THE PERSON WHO BOUGHT IT FOR ME.

life's good so far. i think i screwed the chemistry common test. sigh.

lit paper tomorrow and thats the last! i have a party to attend this friday too, YEAHHHHH.

yup thats all for now. mini post :D

btw im blogging from my MACBOOK PRO. HAHA.

KAY BYE.

Dead.

2011-06-14T23:24:00.001+08:00

You are just so blind,
You refuse to see
The fool who's waiting for you
Is none other than me.

Your mind is just so full of her. I know I'm a million times better than her, I say this even with my low self-esteem. And yet? You choose her. Sometimes I had doubts, but I chose to hold on to hope. But now, you've taken my last shred of hope away.

Why did I waste my time. I should've just listened to Sanjieve and let you go. But I thought that for once, things would go perfect. But Nooooooooo, that will never happen will it? Love will never happen for me.

You think you're so good at love, you're a Casanova. who am I?

I'm a girl who can give you every bit of security, love, care and happiness you desire. I can't buy you expensive gifts, I can't go out so much on dates, I can't be public, I have to keep a low profile; but I can make you feel like you're the most amazing person in the world, I can make you feel bliss, I can love you like no one can. In the simple and pure way. Like love should be. Why can't you see that?

Why do I always fail at love?

....

I shall just tell myself that there's someone better who deserves the undying love I can give. It just isn't you. It just isn't you. You're just a huge disappointment, and that's gods way of saying he's got something better for me.

I'm moving on.

Hey.

2011-06-13T14:39:00.001+08:00

Listen. You like that girl, she's pretty. But now you know, That girl is a slut, she's not a good person. 20 ex-es? THAT SPELLS SLUT. You know you should be moving on. You shouldn't be chasing after people like her because you know what type of person she is. You'll get hurt in the end. You know this, but why can't you just accept it? I know it's hard, the truth is bitter, the truth hurts but the truth is like medicine and it's good for you. Just because you always get the girl you like, that doesn't mean it'll happen this time. You got rejected, you've got to just accept it. You can't force someone to love you. Stop being so stubborn! stop being a wimp! there are so many fishes in the sea, so what if you can't get her? There are so many other beautiful girls all over the world! I don't want to see you hurt, because you're my friend.

5 words;

MAN UP AND MOVE ON!

untitled

2011-06-12T12:20:00.002+08:00

helllllooooooooooooooo!

im at kirins house now! i had a sleepover and im using her lappie now!i just love her houseeeeeee omg its so nice especially her room. gonna be leaving so soon damnnnnnn :( okay this was a stupid update catch you guys later!

Clarity

2011-06-04T19:36:00.001+08:00

I'm not a choice, I'm just an option.
I'm not a priority but just at your disposal.
The ambiguity,
The mixed signals,
The sweet words but the empty promises.

Admit it.

You're just playing with my feelings.

I MISS THIS PIECE OF SHIT.

2011-06-02T11:28:00.001+08:00

CAN YOU GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE FROM CAMP RIGHT NOW!? I REALLY REALLY REALLYYYYY MISS YOU.

Karma.

2011-06-02T11:25:00.001+08:00

Sound familiar yet? Sorry but;

Karma hits back hard baby.

Confession

2011-06-01T23:10:00.001+08:00

Dear somebody,

Just seeing your name appear on my phone screen with a new text makes my heart beat faster. I am thinking about you non-stop and sometimes i even find myself smiling. Sometimes I dream about you and I would slap my own face to convince myself that it's not real. When you called me the other day, I rubbed my eyes in disbelief when I looked at my phone. When I heard your voice, I melted. It was like a song, a special song, a special song only I appreciate so much. And when you laughed, I wished at that point that I could record it so that I could replay it a thousand times. Believe me, the moment you said hello, I turned bright red. You are amazing. You put on me on cloud nine billion. I've known you for years, I liked you the very first time I saw you. And now nothing has changed. You hold that special place in my heart. I know I don't hold a similar place in your heart. I know you wouldn't even think of me like how I worship you in my heart every second. I know we aren't possible. But my heart never stops it's palpitations when I hear your name. I know the reason why.

I Love You.

Loud and clear.

Just a dash of salt and my life will be perfect.

2011-05-29T01:37:00.001+08:00

Hellooooooooo!

Just a dash of salt and my life will be perfect.

First part of my post is dedicated to an idiot.

We argue, we laugh, I insult you, you pout, I apologize, we both laugh again. You beg me to delete retarded pictures of you but I just refuse and stick my tongue out at you. You fail a test and I encourage you, but I still laugh at you after that. Then You avenge yourself by teasing my tendency to trip over my own feet. We tease each other about love and we write rubbish and nonsense on each others notes. You often get slapped, laughed at and scolded like shit by me, but that's because I love you. Sanjieve Segaran, my awesome best friend. The one who's always there at my low moments. If I had not found a best friend like you, I would've been dead a long time ago <3

My studies are really improving. Because the person who got the top score for the bio test got 19.5/35, and I was just narrowly bested. I got 17. I know it's a fail but look, imagine how many others failed even worse than I did coz well, the test was just that hard! And I also feel quite confident about my GP essay for once! I know I got an A1 in o levels but me and argumentative essays are two different planets. Really. Why don't they just have ONE NARRATIVE QUESTION FOR PPL LIKE ME OMG? grrrr. I just hope that my essay does not get marked by this teacher whom I despise quite a lot. Her sarcasm and her tone, is just terrible. It's like she's being forced to teach. Don't wanna teach? Then GET OUT! don't make our lives miserable.

I'm gonna continue working hard! :)

Me and someone are friends AGAIN. I hope nothing else happens that will spark off another argument...

I just watched KUNGFU PANDA 2, in 3D!!! JEALOUS? <3 it was awesome! The Part where po's mother abandoned him so she could distract the enemies away from him? It was so sad, I was gonna cry. Touching!

My love for you is growing. It's an unstoppable force now. it's impossible for me to resist it any further. I've fallen too deep for you, I can't climb out now. I've fallen for that smile, that voice, that laugh, that flippant attitude, that teasing self-praise and that lighthearted soul. I can't let it go. This must mean something, we met early in our lives and now we meet again, I want to believe that this is fate, this is destiny. I don't think I can live a day without talking to you. But Will you ever return even a fraction of my feelings?

Yeah but the only thing that sucks right now is that I've been eating like a BOTTOMLESS PIT. graaaahhhhhh like as if I need this?! Damnnnnnn I need to stop. Food don't be so tempting, please?

Yup, so that's all for now. Oh wait Damn! The holidays are filled with remedials and lectures :/ GIVE ME A BREAK! I'd say, but yes that's about to come true coz lit retreat is coming up real soon and I'm so excited! That reminds me! My friends left for UK today! Right now they should be in the airplane. I wish them a safe flight and a great time :)

Guess that's all! Till I get my butt back here, GOODBYE!

SALAAM NAMASTE <3

2011-05-22T01:14:00.001+08:00

God I'm in love with that movie! Imagine if my life was like that! Can just anyhow move In with some guy I met at a party three days ago and end up falling in love! Damnnnnn SAIF ALI KHAN pleaseeeeeee be MINE <3 but hell yeah people, SALAAM NAMASTE! greet life today! Coz you'll never know, it could end the very next second after you read this sentence. Treasure and cherish, love and care, touch hearts. Make every second worthwhile, spend every moment happy.

Right now I think my life is close to perfect. My studies are getting back on track, my diet plan is working ( YAY ), my social life is going great as well! I have awesome friends, and I received unexpected care & concern from someone who used to avoid me, how great that felt! <3

A teeny weeny problem. He didn't reply my message. For DAYS. dammit, why do you always do this? I wish I could tell you how much it kills me not to see your name pop up on my phone screen, how much I think about you all day and all night. Is it so hard to reply a freaking message? THATS MY ONLY WAY OF COMMUNICATING WITH YOU! we dont even see each other and yet I'm so in love with you that the moment you reply (a week later), all my frustration immediately vaporizes and I reply you within seconds. Argh... I hate love... Why is it that I still can't move on to somebody else even after knowing you like that other gift... Because this is not infatuation, it's a feeling that grew for the past SEVEN YEARS.

You know what. FORGET IT.

Another problem. Sigh. Why does this always happen. ONE. there was nothin about your friends in my words, it was only about you. Coz I don't really know who your friends are. TWO. You insulted me, like the time you told me a million times in the same day that I needed to lose weight. Of course it affected my self esteem a lot and it made me mad. So I'm not the type to insult you Back, Instead I just complain to other random people, PURELY to vent off my frustration and irritation. that's just human. You know? Unfortunately if some people take it to heart and tell you everything I said, then dude I'm SORRY, APOLOGETIC LIKE CRAZY if you wish; coz I seriously didn't mean those words! Okay? I didn't gossip and criticize you with any resentment or whatsoever! You don't have to threaten me like that, it's scary! I don't even have anything against you at all I SWEAR! This was all just a huge misunderstanding. Please. If my words angered you or whatsoever then I humbly request for pardon. I apologize.

Sigh. What complications assumptions can bring :/

Turning 17 this Wednesday. Don't worry, I can't even believe my 14th birthday passed. I still feel like a kid. Oops. Hahah.

Ugh I'm too tired to continue. And I'm pissed coz my father's snoring sounds like some dying Vespa scooter. Can't sleep although I'm tired. this sucks.

Continue soon. Sayonara people!

Changes.

2011-05-15T01:21:00.001+08:00

So let's start with the bad news.

My PR1 came out and basically I failed EVERYTHING except English literature. obviously, I was still in disbelief even though I expected this. Yeah... It's true I've been practically slacking away. It's time I got serious!

And like as though that wasn't enough to wake me up, I was down for PTM! Tsk. Come on, I don't need this stupid ptm to learn how to improve or whatnot, I already know what to do. I PASSED MY CHEM TEST I PASSED MY CHEM TEST I PASSED MY CHEM TESTTTTTTTT! like finally! The one on chem bonding. Which so many failed. see? I'm improving. I just needed a wake up call. I don't need ptm. It'll just make everything worse at home.

I don't understand why my parents think I'm addicted to my phone. Like what the? Hello, I don't use my phone in school right, like I'm so free. I return home at 7. I'm forced to get to bed at 1030. That leaves me with 3.5h. Where in 3.5h is there free time to use Facebook?! I've to complete my homework! Which I can't even complete by 1030 actually. Technically I only use facebook for like, half an hour a day? And that's called addiction?? Facebook has not affected my studies! It can't! -_-

Come on. While I'm homework-ing, I'll need help or I'll have doubts/questions. So I'll text my friends, discuss and complain about teachers. that's basically it.

See, mom & dad, THAT'S IT. I really don't want this confiscation of my phone. It's childish, I'm 17 so can we handle this like adults? You know that the only way you can help me is pure encouragement. I don't want any controlling. It'll make everything worse, because you're putting more pressure on me, that'll frazzle my nerves, stress me and guess what? I'll fail again? No, you don't want that do you? Great! Then please, let me be.

Ah finally I let it all out. sigh. I had to. This Is torturing my mind. everyday, I use my phone in hiding. Coz if my dad sees it, he'll be like " check already? Got any new notification? " in a sarcastic way. Sometimes I'll be setting alarm in the phone okay -_- it's like as though, using my phone is a crime. It's really really annoying. I swear. I can't take it anymore.

Mom, dad, if you happen to come across this, I'm really sorry. I just can't take it anymore. I can't juggle pressure in school with the pressure you put on me. I want to learn how to make my own decisions, make my own choices, make mistakes and learn from them. Don't restrict me. Don't be overprotective or afraid that something will go wrong. Coz if you keep doing this then I can never learn to live a life of my own. I'm 17 now. Not 7.

Wow did I just type out all that? I feel way better now. Ahhhhhhhhh.

So it's Kayalvizhe (LEGPAIN) 's birthday and we had a small surprise party before tuition! I hope she likes my gift! :D

And, it's Justin's birthday too. Hah.

Anyway, my birthday is coming too, hehe :3 yeah 17 baby! Man I wish I could be teenager forever. I don't wanna grow up...

-
I can't believe this. You still like that piece of... Poo even after you know what a 13itch she is! Why are guys like this? You're so bent over liking girls because they're pretty. Don't you see?! Pretty girls can always get more handsome guys, that's what they like to do, WHY DON'T YOU GET IT?! SHE WON'T LIKE YOU BACK! and what did you say? You want to try and change her character? YOU CAN'T CHANGE SOMEONE's CHARACTER BECAUSE THAT'S WHO THEY REALLY ARE! gosh, why man, why?

Why can't you open your eyes and see. That I'm still here waiting for you to come with me.

Thanks a lot!

2011-05-08T18:57:00.001+08:00

Picture time!

2011-05-07T18:41:00.001+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH

2011-04-30T23:56:00.001+08:00

You know what? I TAKE BACK MY WORDS. I can't love you. YOURE DRIVING ME INSANE! Get away from me! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!

one moment you're fascinating; the next moment you're SHIT! what are you, the definition of bipolar?! who do you think you are?!

You piece of shittttttttt! I can't understand anything about you! NOTHING! ZERO PERCENT! I bet you a zillion dollars we can NEVER get along! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Thanks okay? THANKS A LOT FOR RUINING MY ENTIRE EMOTIONAL STATE.

Bipolar

2011-04-29T23:27:00.001+08:00

Recently I'm being a bipolar monster to everybody. One moment I'm bubbling with cheerfulness and the next moment I'm boiling in fury. I don't quite understand what it is. But something is happening to me. No it's NOT pms, I don't suffer from that. Hahahah.

I'm blogging after teaching Sathish, sathya, sakthivel. syrazi Shafiq was there, he's a cutie plus he's smart. HELLLLLOOOOOO GIRLS HIS AGE, what are you waiting for, Christmas? Hahah.

I really hate the math teacher. I can't stand her. Stupid shit, if we don't know how to do the question, it means that we didn't coz we can't do! It's not Like we deliberately didn't do it coz we didnt Want to do! You think everybody is pro in maths like you is it? Attend the lecture just once and we can magically do all the questions right away? WTF seriously, push some LOGIC into your hollow head; some people won't understand & will definitely be slower. It's not like it's our fault. We tried; we really did. But if you want to treat us like we are useless wastes to your class; if you want to give up on us; I've got only one thing to say. You don't deserve to be called a teacher. Want to dump us? FINE! then I can jolly we use that time to study for other subjects than to waste my time listening to your cutting words.

Damnation. I didn't see him around today; I pretended like it was nothing, I managed to put on a convincing facade, thankfully. But truthfully, I was burning up. Yes, I was really affected that I couldn't see him for one day. To put it simply, I... I missed him. I was thinking about him THE WHOLE DAY. WHY?! I don't know what the hell the answer is. Why do I even care that he exists?! Yes the obvious answer lingers at the back of my head but it's too hard to accept. I mean... HIM?! he's such a freaking... ARGH. Then how....? Sigh, if people know, they'll be horrified by me, say I've bad taste & shit. I shall keep this quiet for now.

I'm a mess right now; a great mess. I'm breaking down; I'm falling apart.

I'm disintegrating. Save me if you can.

I want.

2011-04-22T22:52:00.001+08:00

I want somebody to call baby.

I want somebody to make me smile.

I want somebody to lend me their shoulder to lean on when I sleep.

I want somebody to hug me from the back.

I want somebody to whisper sweet nothings and sweet everythings to.

I want somebody who will catch my tears before they hit the ground and tell me it's okay.

I want somebody to think about every minute, every second, every moment of my life.

;

I want somebody to love.

Sanjieve

2011-04-22T12:01:00.001+08:00

Sanjieve, this ones for you my best-est friend.

One word. AWESOME.

Thank you for coming into my life. If not for you, trust me I would've lost my mind a long time ago, and ended my life.

You don't realize how important you are in people's lives, do' you? I nearly DIED when you told me you got a place in NP yknow that? Idiot.

I love you Sanj, a lot A LOT.

One last thing.
RU RU RU RU RUBBBBBBBIIIIIISSSSSSHHHHHH UHHHHHHH! :D

<3

This can't be happening

2011-04-22T11:44:00.001+08:00

I just woke up, from a dream.

It was a dream about you.

Wait, this isn't come rubbishy quote or poem; it's REAL.

.............

And in that dream,

We were...

.............

Together.

Yes, we were.

Why am I even typing like this you ask? Because I can't even believe what I saw in that dream myself. Its maddeningly impossible, it's practically rubbish and yet it was.... Something I didn't want to wake up from.

I shan't describe it.

But I'm sad I woke up from it.

Because I think dreams will never become real.

Rubbish uh

2011-04-21T23:12:00.001+08:00

So my life is turning into a sine curve. ( paragraphs shall differentiate my subjects )

You. I wonder what you're trying to accomplish by using sarcasm on me. Tryna get my attention I presume. Let's see what kind of tricks you're about to pull. I'm far away from reacting, trust me.

You. Please grow taller before telling me I need to lose weight, thank you. feel happy I said that to you. Yeah, I'm fat & I can get thinner. You're short & you CAN'T get taller FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE; so do keep that in mind the next time you try to condemn anyone else.

And YOU. I'm not replying your texts and returning your calls simply because I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. How hard is that to understand. how dare you relentlessly text me EVERYDAY like as though nothing happened? Is it supposed to be a joke, because I'm not laughing.

You. Im getting SICK & TIRED of this. Stop coming from nowhere, taking charge yet doing nothing but taking all the credit. I'm in charge. I make the decisions. Not you. You no longer have any say in anything. So step back and know your limits. Before you think I'm a bitch; just know that I'm not the only person who's getting tired of you. Step back, before you get chased out. It will happen, it will. Trust me.

My feelings for you are returning, we are impossible, but they're returning. I can't stop it any longer. I'm afraid.

You. You touched my heart today, the card I made for you was pasted on the cover of your diary. But After all the horrible treatment... You're doing this now? I... I don't know what to say..

I'm grateful to god for my friends right now :)

Sanjieve.
Gayathri.
Kayalvizhe.
Sahana.
Jaishree.
suthan.
Durga.
Darishna.
YunFang.
KeQing.

Sayo!

Must I really title my post?

2011-04-02T18:10:00.001+08:00

Ahhhhhhh it's been awhile now isn't it? Quick updates! I won't use anybody's names due to the presence of trackers.

The person I like rejected me by avoiding and ignoring me. dude! Is it a crime to be liked by someone?? Seriously man! What the shit?!

Now when he talks to me, he's always sarcastic and mean, nothing nice. But when I'm not there he's talking about me. I do not understand ANYTHING he's trying to do and I do not like this person anymore so there's nothing between us. There Won't be.

I'm feeling very down when it comes to love. I feel like just giving the heck up. It never works out. Meanwhile I shall just focus and transforming my fats into muscles with Kabila and we will both be hotties very very soon :D

Stressed up In school! But my study mode is slowly turning on :D I guess if I put love at the back of my mind, then it'll come when I least expect it! :D

Oh yes and I just met Justin yesterday again after years! Goshhh he's become one heck of a hottie. A particular friend of mine was practically mesmerized! It Felt good to see him again and listen to his stupid boundless self-praise. I'm missing catechism class already!

Dying from a lack of sleep. ARGH.

And to someone, to answer your question; because busybodies like you exist.

SAYONARA~

I LOVE MY LIFE!

2011-03-18T21:02:00.002+08:00

I LOVE MY LIFE !

I LOVE MY FRIENDS,

AND I LOVE MY FAMILY!

And there is nobody who can take my happiness away from me. nobody.

Stop stop stop!

2011-03-17T18:32:00.001+08:00

Stop talking to me! I don't wanna hear your voice, I don't wanna see your texts, just GO AWAYYYY!

Thought you were the one. Can't even believe I liked you. I was wrong. Your every action simply frustrates me. And fascinates me at the same time... BUT I don't think we can even get along like normal people.

but that's just what attracted me to you in the first place..

NO.

You're breaking my heart.

2011-03-17T16:39:00.001+08:00

You can't assume that I'm criticizing you with my words, young man. Unless, you're feeling guilty.

Oh my god

2011-03-15T21:15:00.001+08:00

So, if I find a guy good-looking, means I like him is it?

Let's see.

Danial, nuovo, sunthar, sultan, Ke Qing, shaheer, sanjieve, kenneth, Jason, jack, mithun, Gobi.

All these people are damn good looking. Hell yeah they are. So now that means what, I like ALL of them is it?

GREAT LOGIC.

Seriously grow up. Finding people good looking is becoming a crime is it? Are you people out of your minds? Like as if you all don't find people good looking?

I'm saying this one last time. I don't like ANY one of them.

And for your information. When I like someone, it's NEVER because of looks. NEVER.

Whoever it is who's stalking my blog and facebook, you're probably my BIGGEST FAN right? That's why you've got so much untrue things to say about me? You know what, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I dont even know you, why are you creating trouble? Just GET LOST. but I don't give a damn. You're a lifeless busybody. go on, spread crap about me, I've got my friends who know the real truth anyway.

SORRY

2011-03-04T08:07:00.001+08:00

dear ICS seniors,

I am sorry for saying such things about you guys. I was just pretty pissed off for that day on some other issue, so I used some terms which I shouldn't have used... One thing about me is I express everything through words on this blog. I didn't know it would become so serious and it would affect you so badly. Now that we have more meetings, it is now that I realize you are wonderful people. I really didn't mean anything I said... so I really hope you guys would forgive me and we could start over. I'd do anything to make it up to you if necessary... Please forgive me. I deleted the post out of guilt.

About the you forming cliques part, I heard it from some people BUT I am not mentioning names.

And about the CG thing, I didn't start it.

This is an official announcement.

2011-02-24T19:14:00.001+08:00

This Is an official announcement, please pay attention.

I am officially ready for love again.

Yes I rejected 27 and oh it just became 28 but that might not happen again.

So who am I looking for?

Needs:
Four things. Understanding, must be able to commit, obviously faithful and MUST be someone who has high ambitions so that you can support me.

Wants: ( not exactly necessary but I'm a girl anyway so ) BUFF! the voice must be damn sexy, taller than me and must be able to carry me ( impossible ) ^^

There's someone out there fitting these criteria but where are you?

JJ ODYSSEY Orientation camp 2011!

2011-02-03T22:16:00.001+08:00

Hey guys! I just returned from camp yesterday. I made so many new friends :) everyone from my OG is loved by me. Shreya, Nicholas, Janise, jack, fang Yu, Jie Yi, Sheryl, wei Sheng, zavier, Sean, vientanh, my my, Gabriel, Gabrielle, Stella, Vicky, Jia Yu, shahidee, Darren, Sarah. Did I forget anybody? Sorry. Then there are others who aren't from my group. Suresh, hajira, ashwini, darishna, sanjeev, Clara, another Clara and a lot more!

There's this damn hot guy called Danial. I want :P

The best and worst part of the camp was the telematch. The OGLs were armed and loaded with pails of soap water and hoses. I was given the pail treatment thrice, for no reason at all! -_- it was horrid but it was still damn fun. We were soaked like heck.

Another damn scary shit was the haunted house. I tell you, this was no fake shit. It was damn real. I screamed my throat raw. First, we were walking along the corridor when in front of us, a girl wearing a red silky dress with really long hair was wandering towards us. Then she stopped and just stood there. And laughed. I suppressed a scream.

Next, a ghost guy appeared out of no where and I screamed. He handed me a comb and ordered me to go into the toilet. The other girls warily followed me in. I was too frightened to look around the toilet. The guy ordered me. " comb the hair". I thought he was telling me to comb my hair so I turned to the mirror and started combing my own hair. It was dark and lighted only by the far away street lamps.

Suddenly something crashed in the cubicle behind me and I screamed. The guy snarled at me, " comb HER hair! " so I turned. It was then when I saw her. Sitting near the window was a girl clad in a flowing black dress. her long hair was covering her face. I carefully extended my hand and the ran the comb through her long hair twice before retracting my hand quickly. The guy shouted at me " COMB SOMEMORE! " so I said " okay okay okay! " in immense fear and warily started combing. Suddenly she grabbed my hand! I screamed like as though I was shot! I really got so scared!

Next, we went to the gents. There was a curious continuous knocking sound inside one of the cubicles. Like "tok tok tok!". the entire door was dislodged. we were ordered to go to the mirror where a message was waiting. It was inverted to we had to put it in front of the mirror to read it. In darkness. While we were trying, suddenly the dislodged door behind us crashed down and someone from inside shouted GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE! And I screamed and went out.

Finally, we were made to enter a classroom. The door slammed shut behind us. While we were standing there in pitch darkness, we heard the weirdest, most terrifying things. First a baby cried, and then a lady's laughter. It was very loud. I froze at the window. I did not dare go near the tables in fear that someone might grab my leg from underneath and give me a heart attack.

That was really the most realistic haunted house I have ever attended. I was scared out of my wits. Seriously.

We had lots of dances, singing, cheering and games. I loved the game cling-cling.

I really miss camp. It was so fun and cool. I hope to be an OGL next year!

Sayonara~

Guys.

2011-01-30T14:19:00.001+08:00

Guys these days just need your name.

Then they try to get you and they're almost impossible to tame.

But Once you reject them, they're all the same.

Because suddenly, you're to blame.

Jurong Junior College!

2011-01-28T19:46:00.001+08:00

I love my new school, it's uniform and the JJ spirit!

We had two fun days of orientation with J2 leaders Nicholas, Shreya and Janise. Nicholas is quite a looker and he's a good leader! shreya is really beautiful and kind. Janise is... Nuts. I'm a bit freaked out by her jumpy, over-enthusiastic demeanor so I tend to be rather wary of her... She's a little crazy... Lol.

I befriended quite a number of people! My current "gang " has Jie Yi and Fang Yu. The other people I got to know are Jin Peng ( he's super cuteeee <3 ), Javier, Yulong, Chun Wen, Sheryl, Sarah ( yay my twin! ), Gabrielle, Gayathri and there are some people I keep talking to, and yet I have no idea what their names are.. Haha. I'm happy I'm friendly so people open up to me :)

Today I took 157 and coz I didn't know the route, I missed my stop and I got lost. Ended up at Boon Lay Interchange. -.-||| waited for the same bus coz I saw some J2 students. I followed them. I was 40 minutes late for school.... No you don't have any idea how idiotic I felt...

My Tamil teacher is a famous news reporter! Mr Jagatheesan. Too bad I took HMT so I'm exempted. Haha. He's a really good teacher.

I don't like the school's principal. She's like a grandmother. She's a real taciturn. Her introductory speech was unwelcoming, it was like she was trying to chase us away...

Like WTH, I'm in the Indian Cultural Society BY DEFAULT!!! -.- and I think I'm going to have to do Indian dance... You've got to be kidding me. Even wild horses couldn't drag me there. I'm opting out! I don't care! ><

Did I mention that every single classroom in JJ is air-conditioned?! BE JEALOUS!

Next Monday is our 3D2N orientation camp. I can't wait! <3

Whoo?

2011-01-26T16:28:00.001+08:00

K guys, I was posted to Jurong Junior College.

I'll admit I was pissed when I first knew. I wanted CJC/NYJC that bad. Skarli JJC -.- then I can just discard my four bonus points straight in the bin. With their cut off, my raw score alone is heaven to them -.-

Though I'm still pissed, it's okay I got into JJC. I'm happy. And! I hope I meet a wonderful guy there :)

Tomorrow school starts. Must we wear uniform?! God it's so ugly... I am so not wearing it!

Sayonara~

-Sarah, he's a Jay. A good Jay. But still, get him outta your head, don't feel guilty.

I'm sorry

2011-01-26T16:24:00.001+08:00

Dearest Mithun,

I'm sorry I decided to reject your relationship request.

You see, I'm just not ready for this. I know you're a good guy and you're a thousand times better than Alvin. That's why you deserve someone better than me. I'm not the one for you. You'll suffer. The distance especially. And I'll be too busy with school for you. And I've got to keep hiding from my parents. I know I will be and I know that you'll feel neglected. I don't want this to happen to you. that's why I turned you down.

So you see, this is my fault. Not yours. You don't lack anything.

I hope you understand. I know you were sad. I could tell from your voice. Please don't be. I was touched when you said you'll never make me cry. Good, if I'm touched then you can go impress other BETTER girls.

I'll admit that I feel a secret twinge of regret.

All the best,
Sarah.

Dear diary,

2011-01-26T03:04:00.001+08:00

Today mithun asked to go on with me.

You bet I was shocked. At first I thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. Until now, there's a small voice in me that still keeps arguing that he's kidding...

It's all happening too suddenly. It's unbelievable. It feels like a dream. I keep thinking that If I wake up tomorrow, he won't be in my call log.

Weird. How he's cute, sweet, funny, lovable, caring, devoted and even has the looks for goodness sake, minus the academics part he's the whole bloody package already, but I'm hesitating.

I knew Alvin this much before I accepted him. But when I said yes, I suffered from then on.

It's not that I don't trust mithun. Actually I like him way more than I liked Alvin at this stage. But what if I'm about to make the same mistake twice? Will it be? That's what I don't know.

And I'm scared. I can't bear to be broken hearted again. I like staying single. I don't need a boyfriend in my life right now. But I feel so mean to turn him down.

That's it, that's the problem now. Me being too nice. it always causes me to regret..

Of course, if I was living like a normal teenager I would say YES. But I have studies, my strength. I have parents who wouldn't allow it and don't like lying. I wouldn't like to do that to them, I love them.

I'm so indecisive. I don't know what to do.

I'm really annoyed

2011-01-26T00:19:00.001+08:00

Okay I really can't stand guys these days.

Why is it that the moment they break up with their girlfriends, they don't try to get over it?

Instead of that, they become desperate like bloodthirsty bats and just randomly try to get a new girlfriend IMMEDIATELY. All they need to know is her name, she's single and that she's not fat. finish.

Was your ex girlfriend so cheap, cheap enough to replace immediately by some randomou whom you don't and won't love and hardly know, but keep for the sake of having a girlfriend?

It seems like these guys are in love with the idea of having a girlfriend than actually being in love with the girlfriend herself!

Yeah, someone resurfaced on my mind that half-inspired this... :/

But the other half, I'm talking about my brother's friend. Let's put a fake name. Ben. Ben just broke up with his girlfriend and suddenly, wow he keeps texting me!

First it was fine but now it's really annoying me like shit! Night to morning, morning to night! What am I?! Your personal boredom killer? Hmph, Stupid Ben also keeps trying to drop hints in the stupidest kinds of ways.

First, he tries to find any excuse to see me. Like borrowing my bio book. PLEASE. like I don't know that one.

" my mom thinks we are close and that you're friendly and good "

Dude, your mom?? SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I EXIST!!! who are you trying to fool?

" you're okay with petting right? "

Dude?! So now you're thinking all those... Ugh and I'm in it?! EWWW! That is so disgusting!

I am so grossed out by this guy! Sorry dude but I just can't like you in that way! Can't you just back off and butt out?!

Don't reply him my friends all say, but he lives like a block away! We are neighbors! He's been here umpteen times and he will come!

Ugh. It's like as though jay is back in another form. sheesh.

Painting!

2011-01-24T21:47:00.001+08:00

Today I spent the entire day at kirin's house. I had a straight bus there, so damn near and I only know now?! Haha. Her house is so nice!!! her room had a baby pink wall with the rest of the walls in white. Such a nice room! I'm still damn jealous. Haha. SHE HAS HER OWN BATHROOM OMGWTHBBQ. PINK AND WHITE TOO. LOL I FEEL LIKE KILLING HER!!! I'd die for her room and her bathroom! :(

So we painted the pink wall purple. Don't worry it's a lovely purple. Of course there were disasters in the making... The air conditioner got painted and kirin's mother went nuts over that. Haha. And the poor white ceiling has splotches of purple too. Not forgetting the precious parque floor. Lol. But anyway, despite all of those shortcomings, the end product was... FABULOUS!

Looks like it was done by a pro right? :)

On a side note, Today I learnt that we both have crazy relatives. Relatives relatives... Why do they live to make us miserable with their horrendous gossip?

I would love to go to her house again!~

Sayonara :)

2011-01-23T20:44:00.001+08:00

How dare you insult my beliefs? " free thinkers have no logic " huh? I never did that to you. Should I show other free thinkers what you said? You'll be probably stoned to death.

Look here. I take church lessons too. We both are equally educated about Christianity. You are OBSESSED with god and the bible. Nothing against that though. Nothing wrong with it either.

JUST STOP JAMMING YOUR RELIGIOUS AIR DOWN PEOPLE'S THROATS.

FYI, many people have been dying to tell you that.

It was completely unnecessary to even mention the word bible in something that didn't have to involve it. You started it. Why did you have to say it? Do you not have adequate intelligence to know not to mention the bible or anything that has to do with any religion at all, in the face of free thinkers? It doesn't even matter that you were agreeing with me or whatever, YOU HAD TO USE THE WORD. why couldn't you just say you agree? Your vocabulary is that limited?

Free thinking is a religion by itself. You have just insulted it. Worse, I follow it. So If you try this again, I swear I'll put you in trouble. I have visual records of your remarks.

I've had it with religions!

2011-01-23T18:05:00.001+08:00

Do you people understand the term FREE THINKER?

They are people who believe and respect all religions, believe there's a god but they choose to follow none.

That's who I am too.

RESPECT THAT.

Stop trying to "psycho" me by injecting religious words to me. It won't work. It annoys and offends me. Yes, and don't try " promoting " and asking me to join your religions either, that seriously infuriates me.

And to my preacher, you really had no right to say that Satan created all other religions to prevent us from following the real god. That is not true. How do you know that anyway, and how dare you say that? Most importantly, I know the bible never said that either. Have you seen god for yourself to have the guts to say that? No, you haven't. Yes you can have your own beliefs but you have no right to question other religions.

You questioned the buddhist's practice of karma & rebirth and said that it was untrue because it contradicts the bible's saying of reviving all the dead. Again, all religions hold different beliefs. You don't know for sure about the truth. NOBODY DOES. So just shut up and believe in your own religion! and respect the other religions! Who gave you the right to question the buddhist's?

This goes to everybody. We all have our own beliefs and they may contradict other beliefs. But you are in no position to judge which religion is real. All religions were created based on some form of truth. So, all are true. You don't have to believe that. But please, respect it.

Disclaimer: this post was in no way meant to offend any race or religion.

Ugh.

2011-01-23T17:54:00.001+08:00

" I love you @******* you are so awesome! "

" hey @******* we should go out again! You are so funny ! "

Wow. Look at you, mademoiselle. You are hitting it off huh. You took away my happiness and now you're hitting it off and enjoying yourself huh?

Do they know that you have issues at home? you to have an inferior complex, intense jealousy problems, possessiveness as well as an attention seeking behavior?

You're a hot gossiper. Any piece of news that leaves your mouth is edited and twisted, it's never the real version. You are hell yeah rich so you try to get people to interested in getting to know you by dazzling Them with your designer articles. Because you know that it's impossible to attract people to you with your horrendous character.

In every sense of the phrase, this can be rightfully called buying people off. You are spineless. Because you feel inferior to people who have a bunch of close friends and they don't even need to try. You're jealous. You want that. But you can't have it. And you know you can't. So you try to make yourself appear awesome instead of looking at the real problem. You. Your character.

I know you inside out. I know you. I'm not your friend anymore, but you still can't hide anything from me.

You stab people with words. Trust me, I was a victim.

Yeah, when I was having a problem with her, it was between her and me. You had nothing to do with it. But you wanted to play hero and make yourself appear like a savior. Everyone was on her side. You wanted to be popular so you got on her side and dressed me down with your verbal daggers. They loved you. Exactly what you wanted.

But what happened in the end?

I'm friends with her, and your friendship with her, you severed.

So you practically lost me for nothing. Did you ever realize that?

Did it hit you that all this happened because of you? Did it not occur to you to try and do something for the pain you caused me?

Yes. Yes you did. But you know why you appear unaffected? You know why you " didn't care " ? Ego. You're too proud to admit it. You think it's low.

You're fat. You've got a tummy, and thighs. You know that. Yet you wore a skimpy bikini to that party! Don't you know that you looked disgusting? Where's your pride? Don't you have pride in yourself? You went to this extent to get attention! Using your body?! Revolting!

Do you realize how immature you are In your thinking? What Is wrong With you?

You resent me, I despise you.

But I still care about you. You stop this nonsense right now.

Ugh.

2011-01-23T01:27:00.001+08:00

Hi

2011-01-21T18:35:00.001+08:00

Hi did you know?

I'm a girl who has horrid motion sickness so I can't travel in most cars without breathing. I have photophobia so I can't move through different lighting conditions without going temporarily blind for a few seconds. And then those two almost automatically trigger migraine and nausea. I was born with lazy eye and I went for surgery but it does relapse occasionally.

Will you still love me? :)

SHOPPING!

2011-01-20T00:48:00.001+08:00

I am so happy today! I went shopping! In bugis street with $200. I bought a grand lot of clothes. FINALLY! if anyone of you ever saw my wardrobe, I swear you'll faint on the spot, OR call me a grandmother. Okay so here's what I bought:

1 off-white fairy dress
1 floral long sleeve top to go with it
1 pair of black leggings
3 shirts, pink, green and white
1 off-shoulder blue top
1 pastel pink Hello Kitty winter sweater
1 pair of white boat rider shoes

Pictures some other time!

I'm in love with the sweater!!! <3 I like the fairy dress suit too, I just had to buy that when I saw it. Oh yes, as we both expected, I bumped into Rachel! As well as Hui Juan and Kayal! Yay.

I also bought my dad a watch for his birthday. It's a branded one but I'm not gonna state the brand just in case people start to think I'm a rich kid which I'm not :) it has like the world map at one corner, a second hand-only analog clock on the other corner and below is the digital display of time. Cool isn't it! The best part is that it has a TEN YEAR battery life! So that watch will stop working when I'm 27 years old! Haha. I'm glad he liked it :)

Today I tried a crepe for the first time in my life! It had fresh cream and strawberry sauce in it. My my, it was a yummy treat indeed! I should have tried the banana cream crepe too :( It's Tegoshi-kun's favourite! He calls it the bananana-creampe. Haha that's how he pronounces it. :D

Shopping makes my day... And breaks my back! Ouch, it's like, CRAMPED.

Okay, so in order to look nicer in my clothes I need to lose some weight. Especially the fat at my butt & thighs. PLEASE. It has to go. I think once JC starts, the stress will eat my fats :D hopefully! And not eat my mental sanity.

I heard that the JAE results are out tomorrow. Is that true?

Sayonara! :)

Hiiiiiiii-YAH!

2011-01-17T00:39:00.001+08:00

I'm about to transform into brand new person with a completely changed lifestyle.

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!

2011-01-14T16:02:00.001+08:00

So after I collected my results, my family brought me out to celebrate. We went to Mad Jack's! Here are pictures of what my brother and I had :)

My brother and his BLUE MOUNTAIN burger. Can you eat that?!

A closer look...

And here is what I had! fish & chips. It was MAMMA MIA delicious!

And finally... DESSERT! Blueberry cheesecake omg! But the bottom crust really sucked. It spoilt the taste of this work of art but oh well!

My dad looks pretty happy with that...

All in all I really enjoyed the food! :) now here are more pictures of tantalizing food~

These are original Hello Kitty gummy candies. They are original from sanrio itself and they were nice!

Now this is the chicken curry I COOKED! It was one helluva success! Yay! :D

Pictures found on the web :)

Credits to my iPhones " WALLPAPERS" app. Curb your appetite folks! Sayonara~

Cupid's arrow has struck me

2011-01-14T00:54:00.001+08:00

I think I want to love again! I want to love and I want to be loved. :P

So I'm not going to beat around the bush... finding a new and BETTER boyfriend would be the number one thing on my 2011 wishlist :)

In my previous ,first relationship, the guy loved me. Or did he? I really don't know. But I clearly could not develop feelings for him, not an ounce. I think he didn't like me. He was DESPERATE. And he stole my first... away from me too. (not my virginity -.- ) Within two weeks. TWO WEEKS! That is much . there were no dates either. I could not bring myself to like his character, it was impossible for me to even get along with him. It was embarrassing... Everybody hated him. So they looked at me strangely. So I guess you could call it stupid. Coz it was. Really stupid.

So I can't call him my ex. Or my 1st. He's more like, my -1st. So the next person will be my REAL OFFICIAL TRUE first.

Sweetalk. I will not make that mistake of falling for that anymore. I want actions. And I will find someone this time. Who will prove to me that this relationship is real. That I am loved and that I can be loved, again.

I am Single and I am ready :)

Where for art thou?

LOL

2011-01-12T23:08:00.001+08:00

LIKE ONE BOSS.

I can't get enough of this line. thanks to EUROY!